I Found My 8th Grade Diary And I Was A Huge Bitch

Illustrated by Tania Lili.Reductress is the first and only satirical women's magazine, taking on the best and worst of women's media, marketing and consumer culture.



I have always looked back on middle school very fondly. I had great friends, was on the track team, and was blessed with good skin. So, when I went home this weekend and found myself going through old notebooks, I was shocked to find the horrifying truth inside my eighth grade diary: it was written by a huge, huge bitch. And, that bitch was me.



Here’s a passage from page 17:

“Fuck Jackie. She has no tits! I bet she has never even gotten her period. I have. I got it in 6th grade in gym. Luckily I didn’t get an embarrassing stain like some girls! Why does she think she can like Evan!? She obviously isn’t a woman. I’ve already started telling everyone she’s a lesbian and a racist. Also, I hate Earth Science and that ugly Mrs. Hollinger. I hope Diana DeGarmo wins American Idol.”



I know what you’re thinking. No one is the best version of themselves at 14. But, why did I feel the need to tear down this poor girl Jackie? I barely remember her now. Unless she was the one with the weird neck scar? I kinda remember that girl being annoying.

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