Why It's Okay To Choose Not To Have Kids

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.Motherhood requires immense sacrifice from women. We are morally obligated to allow our children to feed from us and sometimes, sicken our bodies for nine months. Once our children arrive in the world, we cease all functional living to nourish and coo over them for six to nine weeks — or more. For the next 18 to 21 years, mothers bear the brunt of the rearing. We raise, foster, teach, discipline, and prepare our kids for the cruel world awaiting them.



Most women sacrifice their peace of mind to provide; their clothes might not be the latest designer digs, but their children are usually well-dressed and well-mannered. Date nights are replaced with parent-teacher conferences. Afternoons are spent teaching ABCs and instilling values and principles that will remain with their children long after they’ve reached puberty. Moms protect their children against those that wish them harm and plan vacations to Disney World, even when they would prefer to spend two weeks in the Bahamas instead.



Being a mother is one of the most challenging roles women assume and we are expected to accept sacrifices without complaint. Through media discourse as well as overall societal assumption, women are taught that mothering emerges instinctively. Singing sensation and new mother Beyonce Knowles-Carter reaffirmed the magical development of maternal instincts on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” while recounting how she bonded with Blue during the birthing process.



“My story did not feel complete and I didn’t know why” she told Winfrey. “There are so many connections in the film that I didn’t realize until I gave birth. Everything just completely connected and I said now I know who I am. I wasn’t complete before my daughter.”



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As the media perpetuates Knowles-Carter and other superstars as ideal mothers, those who don’t automatically develop maternal wiles are forgotten, left to stumble through the wilderness of child-rearing without external support.



One of these mothers is Isabella Dutton. The 57-year-old mother of two wrote a controversial piece for the Daily Mail explaining why she resents having children. Dutton writes:



“It was not that I seethed each day with resentment toward my children; more that I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them. Young children prevent you from being spontaneous; every outing becomes an expedition. If you take your job as a parent seriously, you always put their needs before your own.



"Having children consigns you to an endless existence of shelling out financially and emotionally, with little or no return. It puts a terrible strain on your marriage and is perennially exhausting. And your job is never done.”



Sutton’s essay may read to some as calculating and devoid of emotion, but it is a realistic exploration of the flip-side of the motherhood coin. Raising children is not the ideal sold to women through situational comedies and movies.

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